Fruit Of The Womb
by Smackarooni Bambooni
Summary: For two mercenaries surrounded by death, nature bearing the gift of life manages to disorient them in an abundance of ways; and with a lack of answers to their varying questions, it seems that their real struggle has just begun.


There was somethjng different about the spy..ir wasnt like he stopped smoking or souded american or anyhing it was more kike. A physical chambge., sniper noticed. and of course hes rude sometimes so he thougt he would point it out while they were on break and technically not supposed to be tlaking to each other but oh well.

"Oi spook whens the babys dude date?" Sniper asked in a mean voice because he was being not nice.

Spy looked reall y offensed and did a little gasp thing but part of him knew aniper was bound to point it out. He jusy didnt know that...sniper knew for sure what the cause was...but apparently he did...somhow...

"BuSHMAN YOU ARE RUDE but not incorrect" spy aaid and snipers eyes did the bulge. "I am baving a baby.., though i do not know who the father is..."

"But...arent you the farter?" Sniparer asked and spy facepalmed.

"No idiot fathers do not give birth to their babies."

"So youre a sheila."

"Actually i consider myself a mather"

W"hats that?" Sniper asked looking way way confuesed but then again who wouldnt be right?

"A father slash mother. A mather."

Then like the puzzle pieces lying atop a table in an old folks home, thigns in snipers brain began to click. "Oohhh" he said.

"I was thjinkinh of calling miss pauling" spy told sniper and then he looked a lot of confused again .

"You think miss pauling is the father?" He asked stupidly. Spy looked like he would crack and tutn to dust right there because woW was sniper stupid!

"No. I wanted to ask if she could do...a paternity test..."

Sniper seemed to understand but the. Again he is stupid so looks are decieving so maybe he didnt understand anythin g. Oh well. Before he could say anthing though the administarotes voice boomed through the loudspeakers.

"Mission begins in thirty seconds," she said and the two merdenaies weny their opposite ways.

Like two days later ot something sniper heard a knock at his vans door. He had a visitor? He didnt know anybody liked him! Maybe it was someone cool like saxton hale homself or maybe...ah mayb it was another jehovahs witness. Why dk they come so often? Everybody knows sniper needs jesus but wow! Why do you have to come every weekend? Oh nowait its jusy spy sniper thought as he opened the door and saw the french frog...Looking very french. But with a bigger tum than before.

"Woooaaah babos!" Sniper yelled in shock as he pointed at spys tummy. Dpy just cringed.

"You dont hace to point it out jarman i know im huge" he hissed and sniper felt a lil bad. "I came totell you that...i know who the father is"

"Then why dont you tell the father first?"

"I... Am."

Snipers heart stopped. Time stood still. A volcano exploded in the distance. Taylor swift dumped another ex. Kanye was there too i thnk. There was so much shock. So much he didnt expect. He had never even touched spy other than with the pointy end of his kukri to kill him and stuff so...how could this be true?

"I do kot know how this could be true" spy said and snipers jaw hit the floor. He could read minds now too? ?Did he had pregnancy powers or smthn?

Sniper tried to test it out to swe if spy really was a mind reading pregnant guy so he thought of spy going away to see if spy would get the hint but he didnt.

"Well? Are you going to say somethng bushman? "

"I..." Sniper began but stopped. He didnt know what to say except... "I want my lawyer."

"All rise!" Said the security guard stationed near the judges podeum. The jury did as he commanded. "Court is now in session."

"May i have the account of the plaintiff in this case?" The judge asked and sniper stood up.

"Your honor. I am sueing this man for harrassment." He said.

Spy slammed his hand down on his podium. "OBJECTION" he screamled.

Te judge hit his hammer thing on yhe thing which is his podium and said "YOU CAN NOT OBJECT TO AN OPENING STATEMENT." and spy got quiet and turned a shade of red likr a fruit that is also red.

"Go on mr sniper" the judge said and sniper cleared his throat before continuing.

"Well it all started like this. He came up to me and told me that the thing he is carrying in his baby sack is. Well. Mine."

The jury made ooh noises like they do in terrible 90s comedy shows but this wasnt really funby like those shows are sometimes, it was actually kind of judge even looked surprised.

"Ok. Now to hear miss spys account" he said

"Actually its mr" spy corrected. "I may bear a child in my womb but i assure you..." he turned to the jury and smiled all flirtly like "i am ALLL man."

The people of the jury swooned. A few fainted. Some who were married tugged off their wedding rings and took off teir shirts for spy. One man began to weep actual tears while proclaiming "ill never have him!"

The judge was not affected and asked spy to continue which he did. "Yes i told the plantif he is my baby daddy but.. I hopef he could react better than he did. But instead he abandoned me and mu baby and took us to court!"

Everybody in the jury put their shirts back on and gave sniper a mean glare that said "hey punk! we hate you!"

"Is this true mr sniper?" The judge asked and sniper nodded. "To leave a beautiful man and his growing potato child alone is cruel! I sentence you to be in this childs life and MARRY mr spy!"

The judge whacked the hammer thing again and sniper flinched at the noise and the verdict.

"Oh sniper! Now you me and spy jr will be the perfect little family!" Spy said flaunting his lashes. Sniper started screaming and then be woke up...he was in his van bed...whehw it was all a dream!

Suddenly a gand touched his shoulder and he saw it belonged to spy who was lying next to him in bed !

"Sniper dont scream so loud. youll wake the babby." He said and sniper looked on the ground and saw a baby in the cradle next to the bed. And he scramed again even though spy told him not to but like i said before he is rude so whatever.

 **The ewnd.,**


End file.
